Episode 129: Will they Still Like Me? The Power of Negotiation (part 2)

“I was worried that if I was negotiating on behalf of myself...it would diminish their opinion of me. They would think I was demanding too much or that I was being too bold.”

— Neda Frayha

Photo by Paul Bradbury/OJO Images / Getty Images

Neda frayha

When Neda Frayha landed her first job as a physician she didn't even think to negotiate. The money was a big jump from what she'd been earning as a medical resident. Who was she to complain? Then years later she learned she was on less money than a lot of her peers. 

In this episode Neda talks about her route to becoming a negotiator. We discuss her fears along the way, the need to be liked and the concern that she was being 'too pushy' (she wasn't).

This is the second of two episodes on the art of negotiation. You can find part one with negotiation trainer Natalie Reynolds here. 

You can also read a transcript of the show.

Further reading: Natalie Reynolds is the author of We Have a Deal - how to negotiate with intelligence, flexibility and power.

Sara Laschever and Linda Babcock are co-authors of Women Don't Ask and Ask For It, a book that's helped me a lot over the years.

Neda Frayha highly recommends the chapter on negotiation in Feminist Fight Club, by Jessica Bennett. 

As promised, here's one of Margaret Neale's videos on negotiation. You can read more about her here.

Here's a story I did for NPR in 2014 on the phenomenon of women negotiating better for other people than they do for themselves. 

And here's a podcast I did with Sara Laschever in 2016 for Convene Magazine on women becoming more effective negotiators.

Sara and I also spoke for an early episode of The Broad Experience on what can happen when women negotiate with other women. 

Episode 128: You're Worth It - the Power of Negotiation (part 1)

“The best negotiators hear a ‘no’ and they view it as an invitation to keep going...when life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.”

— Natalie Reynolds

Natalie Reynolds

This is part one of the show you asked for on negotiation.

Negotiation is a powerful tool to help anyone get what they want. But a lot of women have trouble negotiating a new job offer or a raise. The idea of asking for stuff for ourselves makes many of us cringe. We tend to back down too quickly when the other party makes us a low offer. But when we negotiate hard, research shows that women can get backlash because we're acting out of a character for a nice, meek female. 

Natalie Reynolds says, who cares? Don't be put off by the stereotypes around negotiation - instead, learn how to negotiate well. And that doesn't mean 'acting like a man.' Natalie is the founder and CEO of negotiation consultancy Advantage Spring and the author of We Have a Deal. 

I've reported a lot on women and negotiation over the years but I learned things from Natalie that I'd never thought about before. There's a lot packed into this show. I hope you enjoy it. 

You can also read a transcript of the show. 

Comments are welcome as usual, below or on the Facebook page.