Episode 196: Where Partner Violence Meets the Workplace

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“I went back into the house. And that is when I received the worst beating that I have ever received. And two days later I had a job interview at the CBC. And I had a ring of bruises around my neck from his hands...I realised I had to try to cover it up.”
— Anna Maria Tremonti

Anna Maria Tremonti on her wedding day

“Even as lately as 2020, at least half [of employers] regarded this as something that would be dealt with by their employee assistance program....reflecting the idea that this isn’t a company’s business.”
— Beth Lewis

Anna Maria today

When longtime Canadian journalist Anna Maria Tremonti was 23, she married a charming guy she met through work. He turned out to be violent, a secret Anna Maria kept from everyone, including her colleagues. This was quite a feat given his attacks would sometimes leave her with visible bruises she’d have to cover up before heading into work.

In this episode she and I talk about her long-ago marriage and the scars it left behind. We discuss the positive role work played in her life, even as she strove to keep any signs of her tumultuous home life hidden.

Anna Maria is the writer and host of the six-part CBC podcast Welcome to Paradise. Since it came out she’s heard from acquaintances and strangers alike saying ‘me too.’

My second guest is Beth Lewis, director of Standing Firm, a Pittsburgh-based organization that trains businesses to spot signs of abuse in their employees, as well as signs that they might have an abuser on staff.

Beth says while some businesses may question what domestic violence has to do with them, think about it: if women (and it is mostly women) on your staff are living through an incredibly stressful situation at home, most will not be doing their best at work. Standing against partner violence and abuse is a big part of health and wellness that many companies currently bypass.

This is a difficult topic and you will hear some descriptions of partner violence in this episode.

You can also read a transcript of the show.

Resources for anyone being abused by their partner:

US: National Domestic Violence hotline 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788

Canada: Assaulted Women’s Helpline 1-866-863-0511, or text #7233

UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0800 2000 247

Australia: National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service 1800 737 732

Episode 195: The Road Less Traveled

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“My message was very clear: ‘You should be married and have a family. Why would you be traveling by yourself before that? You should wait until retirement.’ Even now my family thinks I’m nuts because I will go places by myself.”
— Meena Thiruvengadam

Meena thiruvengadam on her travels

Lots of us dream of leaving corporate life to travel the world. Meena Thiruvengadam did just that, incorporating travel into her career. But sometimes following your dream occupation means flouting expectations of what you should be doing - including expectations your traditional Indian family has for this stage of your life.

In this episode we discuss the exhaustion that can come from trying to make things work at work, the frustrations travelers of color often face, and the many joys of traveling alone.

You can also read a transcript of the show.

Further reading:

Here’s Meena’s piece for The Muse on picking the right country from which to work remotely.

Study: The Black Traveler: Insights, Opportunities and Priorities from MMGY Travel Intelligence.

Podcast extra: Here’s a snippet of conversation Meena and I had about her feelings on flying during a time of climate change, which I was curious about.

Ashley: “As someone who also loves to travel…climate change! How do you compute all that flying with what’s going on with the climate? I’ve traveled twice to England this year and I’m just so much more conscious now of what happens when I fly. So as somebody who essentially does this for a living, do you buy carbon offsets? What do you do?”

Meena Thiruvengadam: “I don't buy carbon offsets. I need to kind of research my feelings on that a little bit more, but there are a few things: Like if it's a short trip…when there are things that can be train rides, I try and take trains whenever possible. Not only is it better for the environment, it's usually much easier for me when I go on trips like this.

I will extend a trip to get more out of it if I'm going to fly - I’ll get there early and stay late - rather than just go there and come back. I think those are really the biggest things that I do. But I do think it is a problem we’re not really thinking about.

I've been invited on a few private jet trips and I'm like, this just seems really ridiculous when there is a commercial route, and there's not really a reason for this. So I try and be as conscientious as I can, but it's hard.

“I could stop flying, but that would crush parts of my soul. It would make me miss things about life. It would make me miss experiences and people. ”

I also know that if I completely cut flying, I am not going to solve climate change alone. So I try and find some balance by bringing in bus rides and train rides and making the most out of every plane flight. But I think there are going to be some larger, structural things that travel as an industry can do.”